Assistant Woes

My wonderful assistant, Meagen, will be leaving in July to have a baby. Congratulations and happiness to Meagen! Dread on hiring for me! The new assistant hunt will begin soon. I intend to hire someone to start June 1, so they can have a full month of training with Meagen. Here are the qualities I am looking for-- and I won't put them in the ad. I find that resumes end up with the exact qualities you list in the Help Wanteds, don't you?

"Excellent attendance, clear phone voice, great customer service, quick learner, computer skills, multi-tasker, resourceful, fast worker, smart, can handle stress, detail-oriented"

I was lucky with Meagen, she was the only one I interviewed at the time. I've had many assistants, some have lasted a day, some a couple of years. I've never enjoyed the hiring process. The interview no-shows, the ones who take the job but don't even know how to email, the ones who take the job while waiting for the offer they really want and quit in a week, the cell-phone talkers, the ones with crazy boyfriends, the always-sick ones, the internet games ones. I just hope the next one is the right "one".